I’m having a hard time understanding why you would have met up with him again. He’s been cruel, he’s an alcoholic, you know he’s bad for you and he crushed your self esteem. I thought you had blocked him? What was your reasoning for meeting up with him? I think uncovering the reasons why you decided to do this, against your better judgement, would be a good place to start. I’m not being hard on you, but it’s most puzzling.