I normally see T mondays and Fridays, but because of Easter T asked would I like to move My day so I dont miss a session? So I saw her today and then dont see her till next wednesday, and though I haven't missed a session, just the "difference" makes me feel like I'm loosing something again.

I asked her today why haven't I learnt yet that people can't be with someone 24/7?

T said, well I think its a deep need. I said, yeah but why ain't I learnt yet? T said because your still trying to be "put first"

Aha!!! when she said those words, a whole lot of stuff begun to make sense. Words that describe the reason for the anguish inside, also the words soothed the anguish inside. Hearing the words the adult part gets to understand the child part that-little-bit-more.

Well I can certainly find healthy ways to put that part of me first over the Easter, and intend to do so!

I did mention to T laughing that wouldnt it be good if the session went on until we couldnt bear to be with each other any longer LOL or until our defects became to ugly LOL and T said she knows of a French Psychotherapist that does that. A session could be 5mins or 4hrs long. I said OH no I couldnt bear that in reality, and T said, well I wonder how his other patients feel about that? I guess the appointment schdeule must be pretty neurotic LOL!

T asked me then did that always happen? That I get red up with people once they do something I dont like? I said well I use too, but now someone might say something and for a minute I think, oh I wish they hadn't said or done that, but now I can manage to get to a place where I think, oh well I dont like that about them, but I still like the person regardless. T said that sounds like progress, I said yes, I guess it does.