I’ve had a lifelong pattern of trusting others before they’ve earned it. Also, investing more emotionally and giving more physically and tangibly to relationships than others. I also like people as a species proportionately more than I am liked in return. All these things have led to various degrees of pain throughout my life. However they’ve also led me to some really great relationships too.

In therapy these qualities haven’t served me well - since therapists feel like bottomless pits to deposit all of these great gifts while receiving very little in return. At least in turn to how I’m giving them. Through experiencing constant disappointment and heartbreak in therapy, I’ve come to see it as an insufficient emotional investment in terms of what I truly need right now. Therefore, my current strategy is to chose to direct my efforts and energies to areas where I can enjoy the fruits of my labors much more richly. Therapy itself wasn’t always the problem - but what I was giving and expecting was.

The reason I’m sharing this is to illustrate that every quality we have - including attachment patterns - have benefits and downsides in how we exist in the world. For me, it’s learning to manage and balance what I give to whom. I used to be terrible at accepting that certain people just don’t like me despite my liking them. I’m better now at recognizing associated social cues distancing myself when that happens. I pull back where necessary and direct my energies towards different people. It’s hard feeling like a homeless puppy that will follow random people - but I’ve come to see the many positive sides of it, and tweak and finesse my judgment to get by better in the world. It just takes time.