Quote:
Originally Posted by TheNightWhistle
I have joined dating apps again after a couple months hiatus. It's hard to find somebody on these apps who's actually serious enough to have a conversation that doesn't start with a **** pic, let alone somebody who's willing to go on a real date. I found one recently who I hit it off with. We spent a night together and we had a great time and have spoken everyday since. Being the jaded person I am, I didn't want to get my hopes up, but my feelings got the better of me and I became infatuated with him. Like a teenage girl, I would light up when I would get a text from him. We made plans the other night and he cancelled last minute saying he was "sick". I'm pretty self-aware, and I don't think I came off as clingy or anything like that, so I am confused as to why he doesn't want to see me. Nevertheless, excuses like this are usually a clue that it's not going to move forward from here.
This always happens to me. I go on dates with guys and as soon as they hit it, they quit it, and when I don't let them right away, their short attention span leads them to somebody easier and available, and they forget about me. The chronic disappointment that these situations bring me are making me feel very discouraged and undesirable. I keep thinking that maybe if I was a little funnier, more attractive, more intelligent, or had a better job, then they would see me as worthy of their affection, but as it is it's making me feel worthless.
Is anyone else out there having trouble finding love? Is there a better way to look for it or should I just abort this mission altogether?
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May I ask which dating apps you are using? The only one I used was Match and I had no problems. Though I am currently in a long-term relationship with a man I met offline. I didn't experience any **** pics or anything like that on Match. It's also really helpful to learn how to screen online before you meet anyone. Profile pics with sunglasses, shirt off, a lot of posing, pics with groups of sexy women etc....just skips those profiles entirely.
I know from what friends have told me that some apps are designed as casual sex apps. Nothing wrong with that if that's what both parties want. But you sound like you want a relationship, do I have that right? Have you tried Match.com? I had a friend who liked EHarmony. But heads up, based on when I tried it a long time ago, that site favors Christians and excludes gay folks and separated people so that one only works for certain people.
There are lots of reasons why people are unsuccessful in the dating world....it doesn't mean something is wrong with the person or that the dating world is toxic. When you say:
"I keep thinking that maybe if I was a little funnier, more attractive, more intelligent, or had a better job, then they would see me as worthy of their affection, but as it is it's making me feel worthless. "
Is the dating scene actually making you feel worthless or do you already feel worthless and become disappointed that the dating scene is not making you feel valued? Your worth is not created or altered by the people around you. It is intrinsic. A wonderful woman can meet a very unkind or disrespectful man and she is still a wonderful woman. The key is that she herself has to first believe in her own worth. If she looks to men to create that feeling for her, it is not the path to peace. It sounds like that may be happening with you though please correct me if I misunderstood. No judgment here. That's a very human struggle. I would recommend addressing that piece...see what changes when you go on dates after already establishing your own self-appreciation.
There are also MeetUp groups. A way to have fun and meet new men and women without the pressure of dating. Maybe worth a look?
Should you abort your mission? NO WAY! if you want a loving partner in your life, then that is a dream you should not drop. You might just need to try some different approaches and do some more introspection first. Nothing wrong with that.
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
- Langston Hughes
I wish you peace, hope, and a bright future. You deserve it!