It's because they don't understand you which sucks and the reason why I haven't spoken to my parents in over a year or seen any of my brothers or sisters. I'm still working on friends but how can I be myself? Because it will just cause them to alienate me . And it's a lot of work faking it and being normal when I dont like it. I think that's the biggest reason why I've started to volunteer. Even though I still cant be myself around them they are such happy people and want's to live in a better world.

I've been on a search for others like myself and think I might have found 2 women that has the same traits yet neither one of us has said hey I'm bipolar. I've been getting worse and worse due to this loneliness over the last couple months. Typing on a fourm or writing just takes away some boredom but it's not what I need.

It's really nice spending time with someone that knows and is just like you. No need to explain yourself or even talk about it but just enjoy ourselves doing stuff together. I had a friend that I did everything with but it got over complicated and ended a few months ago. And I've been looking for more people like me to hang out with but if they are like me they're just blended in with everyone else but deep inside sad AF.

And due to the over diagnosis of bipolar when I went to a support group not one of them was like me. But more depression disorder or the BP2 which is more depression and also the other forms of bipolar which i also can't relate with either. So it's very frustrating and more so because I found someone and they're gone now because they didn't want to accept who they were and out trying to be something their not. I guess I also went through that phase too but it didnt help but made it worse because you can't stop being bipolar even if you can blend in with everyone.

My anger and rage just keeps building and i feel a massive episode coming soon if I don't fill the void. Even 1 friend that's psychically here and not online is what I need. Seriously is that too much to ask?