Hi CaitlinNoGoYea,

Thanks for sharing this.

I want you to know that your anger is valid. Whatever happened to you to cause you to feel this way - you did not deserve it. It is important that you vent your anger and if you don't have a means to do so, you must try alternative coping skills until you find something that works. Exercise is a good way, as is journaling, distress lines can help (be wary some are horrible), you could beat a pillow with a bat. You could punch your bed. You could throw rocks into a river until you are too tired to continue. You can go into a field and scream at the top of your lungs! You can do all kinds of things...

But.

If you decide to do something bad to your abusers - you will be no better than your abusers. And you don't want that. That is not who you are and your guilt and shame will ruin you. Rise above their abuse and do not allow their abuse to force you to do something horrible. Try not to blame yourself with shame for these feelings and thoughts; they are common with trauma. Just be sure to make sure they remain thoughts and do not become actions.

It gets easier with time. Be gentle with yourself.

Do you have someone you trust who you can talk to about this?

Please be safe,
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