I'm being completely serious but my motivation isn't. I've had a low grade eating disorder for years but never went through with it. I was anorexic because of stimulants and felt good. I don't care if I die. I'm not going to live long because of my heart. I will do anything self destructive like jump off a cliff. I have no fear. I'm a burden to my family and society I should just die. The way that it happens doesn't matter to me. My family needs to put their feelings aside and find a way for me to do it properly

But whatever.. I suppose I'll live anyways and be a burden which is painful at the least. Living might be the most selfish thing I can do.