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I'm fairly sure they know when they need support and when they need their space to figure things for themselves.

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When a child has grown up with NO boundaries and NO support, they become insecure as adults. Sometimes this can manifest in a person who is too self reliant and then does not know how to deal with the availability of support or the boundaries surrounding it. They do not know when they need support because they do not know what support is. There is no lived experience to draw from.

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'Optimal frustration' just happens. It shouldn't be intentionally forced on someone supposedly 'for their own good'.

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I agree. I know that this is NOT what T was doing in my case. I still call whenever I need support. We have clarified the varying levels of support that are available and how I can access them.