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Riptide said:

Yes, it can. Or it can distort it so that you never feel love.

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I think this is where I am at. At this point I don't think I have a clear definition of love and feel like at this point I should know how I define it. After all I am married with children.

For me there is this big disconnect between the physical and emotional aspects of love. I was trying to explore why I have this disconnect and others don't. The thought occurred to me that this separation in my mind may be a residual effect of my childhood abuse. Of course I also have to consider that maybe my perception that everyone else sees these two aspects blended together when they talk about love is if not accurate. It wouldn't be the first time I've made a false assumption about how different I am.

When my therapist asked me, "Who was your first love?" I didn't know what exactly was being asked. I didn't know if she was asking about my first sexual experience or if the question was intended to be deeper than that. I know I should have just asked her to re-state the question :-) but I didn't. I guess I was embarrassed that it was not clear to me what she meant. I didn't love the first person I had sex with and I feel uncomfortable about this. Sounds stupid I guess. I've just never been asked by anyone about my sex life. I'm not even sure if this is what she was even asking about! I may have automatically sexualized the question.

I was just curious if anyone else: 1) had a trouble defining love and 2) interpreting questions about your sexual experiences? If yes, do you think it is related to your abuse?