If the circumstances haven't changed why would I change my behavior?
This is probably ****** of me, but I want to get something in exchange for this.

I'm not sure what exactly. Maybe a text from time to time? I'd say a hug or something but that would certainly never happen. Maybe it's for the best because it would probably be disappointing compared to the fantasy perfect hug.

But something that, when I'm hurting and resentful and feel like it doesn't matter, I can know that I have as a not quite trade, that feels like you're invested in this too I guess. That I'm not alone.