I am struggling more than usual with shame today, to the point I panic when I think back to what I did (driving by ex T’s house) and the look on her face when she told me she was terminating the following session. I don’t know why it feels this strong all of a sudden, but I wonder if it has to do with not drinking anymore. I remember how close I felt to her and then poof I destroyed it all. I feel like a monster. All I wish is to see her again and not feel like a monster in front of her eyes, but I feel like I’d frighten her.