Quote:
Originally Posted by LabRat27
I don't know if I even want to let you read it.
I was 13. Everything in there about me makes me cringe. I was so ****ing melodramatic. Why couldn't I have just acted like a ****ing adult? No wonder they didn't believe me. My own behavior disgusts me.
I really really need to work through this with you.
I really really need you to read it and tell me it doesn't reflect terribly on me as a person.
I really really need you to tell me that it doesn't sound like I was just a melodramatic little **** who was as much an instigator as a victim.
I really really need you to tell me that you feel something other than annoyance at the girl described in the report.
Can you read that and still think I didn't deserve it?
Can you read that and not see an obnoxious intolerable unlovable piece of ****?
You're going to think less of me.
You're going to see that I wasn't blameless or innocent. You're going to understand why I didn't deserve protection. You're going to realize that I was unworthy.
I need you and you're not here and this is exactly why it's not off the table because right now it's all I have.
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Woah. There is a 13 year old girl in here who deserves and needs a little bit of compassion and
really needs someone to stick up for her. I feel like I know her. Some young teenage part of me has also been in some place similar, with abusers and psychologists and social workers, and nobody believing her.
It is HARD to be 13! Nearly all 13 year old girls are melodramatic. It isn't just typical of them, it's to be expected as a rite of passage. I know you know what hormones are beginning to make themselves apparent in 13 year old girls. Dealing with all of that new stuff on its own is HARD. No 13 year old girl has mastered coping with the burgeoning hormonal storm within them.
Secondly, 13 year old girls are really far from being adults. Like really, really, really far. The frontal lobes aren't even fully developed until the mid 20s or so. Expecting 13 year old girls to behave or think like adults is a little bit like expecting a newborn baby to walk. They just... can't. Expecting them to do something they can't is silly. 13 year old girls are not adults, they are 13 year old girls. And 13 year old girls really haven't got their **** together yet. That isn't a personal
fault of theirs. That's a perfectly normal developmental stage of the female human being.
Look, I don 't know what traumas that 13 year old girl went through. But I do know that as a 13 year old human being she deserved all the things that all 13 year human beings deserve... and top of that list of the most basic human needs is physical and emotional protection and safety. That 13 year old was still physically and emotionally a child, and she deserved to have adults in her life who loved and cared for her and kept her safe from harm. She deserved to NOT be in that position that she was in that day with that psychologist. She deserved to be safe, and she wasn't.
You know what she
was, though? She was feisty. In a world where others had failed to protect her it sounds as though she was standing up and fighting for herself. Do you know what that means? It means that 13 year old girl still believed she was worth fighting for. God bless her. I believe she was worth fighting for too.
I know that 13 year old. I've been her. She needs you. She is 13. She is just a kid, with so much growing and living and learning yet to do.
What happened that day? Did the adults come through for her, or abandon her completely?
Do you know what most often happens when adults abandon us when we are only 13 and so desperately need them?
We abandon ourselves.
That feisty abandoned 13 year old really,
really needs you right now.