Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017
Wow, lots of intense anxiety coming from that recap.I know how exhausting anxiety can be. Have you been working with the mindfulness stuff still or CBT? It might be helpful to focus more on how to manage the level of anxiety for things. I mean, as my T always said about himself "Anxiety is my forever friend" so I get it, it never goes away (sadly) but it is manageable. I also feel like you don't really trust your T yet. It's sad but I do hope you can get here and I get it, trust is hard. I have trust issues. I am just pointing out things I see. I still think it might be worth it to find a temp T or a second T to work through attachment issues and that could maybe even help the anxiety level.
That being said, I like that he gave you homework. It is good homework, since you are going tomorrow, did you find an answer? Hope so  I also have to say that was an interesting dream. I usually don't read much into dreams but they can still be interesting. I hope your session is good tomorrow. Maybe take a few minutes to ask about more mindfulness ideas and other ways to help reduce anxiety levels. Good luck |
First, the homework thing was actually sort of a joke--I should have made that more clear! It's difficult to relay a dry sense of humor (my T's and at time's mine) in written words. Basically, "Yep, you just have to figure this major thing out in 3 days on your own! i'm sure that won't be an issue at all!"
For the anxiety, yes, I was definitely expressing quite a bit of it. I did some mindfulness work with him a couple weeks ago and have been going to yoga regularly, which helps (it's more of a gentle, meditative form of yoga, not, say, hot yoga). But I've been thinking about the anxiety thing and how he handles it. I feel he handles it in the best possible way for me. He lets me express it and doesn't get annoyed with me for it (H) or totally dismiss it (my parents). He doesn't over-the-top reassure me like ex-MC would--like he didn't say, "I would never resent you for paying less" or "Of course you could always come to me in a crisis, no matter how often it was," for example, which I think this how ex-MC would have handled it. Instead, he's more matter-of-fact with me about it, letting me get the fears out while being quite rational about it. Joking a bit (like about reducing the quality of his therapy), which he knows helps diffuse things for me when I'm really anxious (I know that could potentially bother some clients, but he knows me well, plus I use humor when I'm anxious, too).
I think his method is working, because, yes, I seemed really anxious in session. But I haven't felt any sort of need/want to email him about it to be sure. I don't feel like I need to bring it up again in session in 2 hours. I mean, sure, it could come up for me again, as things in life tend to do. But I also feel like it's OK if I share my anxieties with him, he's not going to be like, "FFS, LT, I told you it was fine, let it go!" OK, maybe if I mention it every single session, but I have no intention of doing that. And I know much of this anxiety is coming from my own stuff, like from my mom, for example--I'm sure she wouldn't think it acceptable to pay someone less for the same service.
I also think there is an element of the anxiety related to him--I'm not referring specifically to you here, but I know my T isn't overly popular on this forum (yes, he has his fans!), so I think at times I sort of think, "Maybe he is the jerk that people think he is" so it's hard for me to reconcile that with, "My mental health is more important to him than the exact number on his paycheck." (And yeah, that comes down to my working on trusting my own opinions/feelings first and putting those of others through the "LT filter.")