There is a little perfectionist in me that wants to "ace" recovery and "get it over with" and yet I know that is not possible or how it works. In fact, this is all quite new to me...and scary sometimes, as some pieces of my life puzzle start to make sense. I wonder, am I going crazier? Or, are the mysteries (notes, drawings, abilities) starting to emerge.

I'm afraid no one is going to really know how to help me. I'm afraid of opening Pandora's box. I'm afraid of my desire to rip the bandaid off, get this integration party started and voila...live life. It is silly. I know. As it is like unraveling a ball of different colored threads...in their own time. Not my clipboard schedule.

I am seeing my (soon to be old) T today in a couple of hours and I am bringing a pencil drawing I did 8 years ago. It is of a little me. I keep it on my display shelf in a frame, but hardly "see" it...and certainly have always felt "Well I didn't draw THAT." So I was embarrassed for anyone to see artwork because they would tell me to paint them something, and I felt I had absolutely no idea how.

It's still very difficult for me to grasp that perhaps there is an artist inside...she is just not accessible all the time.

Really just venting. Expressing my Fear. Reminding myself to Fear Less.

Thank you for being willing to discuss.
FL47