Ok, so my dietician said that she would recoment a higher level of treatment than just OP which is what I have been doing for the past 2 ish years. I recently have started to restrict more and I have absolutly no motivation what so ever. however, she did say I could stay in OP if I promise to step it up and actually challenge myself and maybe gain a little more weight.
I really do not know what to do. I realize a higher level of treatment might be good for me in terms of therapy. But I do not want to gain more weight, it was hell when I first started treatment. Since then I have had a stable weight (since restricting more I have lost a bit), probably less than what I should weigh, but I was and still am unwilling to gain more. But if I do more treatment they will make me gain more.
I just feel like I am being forced into recovery when I am not ready to. I am terrified of gaining weight. I do not have any motivation to recover, nothing that will help get me through the negative thoughts. I just feel like no one is listening to me. Everyone says recovery is better on the other side, but I felt even worse before the ED, so why will it be any better if I recover?