I missed being here!

Been IP since April 1, too much alcohol and SI so after 2 nights in the tank they sent me here. Actually the second night I went to the ER and told them I was very suicidal, drinking and planning all day so I was worried. They sent me home to take a sleeping pill instead of helping me so I went home drank more and then took the pill so I was extra messed up. Then the next morning I said I didnt want their help anymore so they sent me involuntary as usual. What a mess.

So Im sober and on meds again but I have to decide which pdoc I want to see after this. I like my far away pdoc but she had me on such high doses compared to what this one has me on. She also seen me for an hour every couple of weeks while this one used to see me 15min every 3 months.

I dont know what I need to do but I cant afford to mess up again or Im probably gonna be kicked out by my H. He says its out of love for me(no more enabling) and because the kids need stability and I do get it even though its scary and hurts a little. The first week I was really mad and felt like I couldnt trust anyone but once the really bad depression lifted and I wasnt so messed up it made more sense.

So my old doses are in my signature and here is what im on now
25mg seroquel
150mg welbutrin
750mg depakote

Thats a big difference, how am I supposed to figure out who is right? Its so hard to trust these people as it is. Any opinions? Im so confused.

Im also waiting to get into rehab and got rejected by the IP dbt program because I dont have the drinking under control and I havent been stable. Plus im going to see my T again next week after a few months and I dont know if I trust her fully either. I honestly just want to shut everyone out when I get out of here tomorrow but I know that will not end well for me.