Please post and let us know how you are doing. We care. What you said reminds me of where I was. I didn't understand what was going on. Luckily, my T did. I needed someone, anyone, even a complete stranger, or a professional just doing their job, to care what happened to me. To know how awful & scared I felt. I didn't understand what was going on. Need somebody to even pretend they did. Hospitals & mental health pros are suppose to be those kinds of places.. Suppose to be. Please post again soon. Many of us have been in your muddy waters before.