It isn't really about bashing your parents though. No one's past was perfect, even those with relatively "normal" childhoods. I had fantastic parents . . . truly. And I can remember also feeling a sort of need to protect them. But they weren't perfect. They dropped the ball along the way, not intentionally, not with malice, not even in a way to would be on anyone's radar except that those moments did impact my life. Sometimes the impact was indirect. For instance, because of choices they made with the best of intentions, I ended up in the care of someone who abused me. They couldn't have foreseen that. They didn't "do" that to me, but the result was a chain of events that affected me for the rest of my life. I hold no anger toward them about that choice; I never did. But, it was still something I found helpful to at least explore and discuss. Other less "significant" impacts were the simple family dynamics, siblings, etc. that shaped who I am today.

Talking about those people and events, even when they weren't in themselves traumatic or even at face value that significant, was important to understanding my adult personality, my adult reactions, my adult relationships.