For me, yes, talking about the ways my emotional needs were not met has been helpful. I do not feel like my parents were worse than other parents. I know my parents loved me and love me --- the best they can. They made their fair share of mistakes and they were not attuned to me or my needs.

As asked by feileacan -
Can I ask - how do you know that your parents loved you?
I know because they did do the best they could. I had food, clothing, things, was allowed to participate in activities.

Did you feel they were close to you?
Nope - at times they tried and at other times they did not.

Did you feel their support? Where you able to go to them with all your problems?
Not really, usually left to figure it out on my own.

Did you feel that no matter what happens to you, you have a safe place to go where you are accepted and understood?
Not understood. Mostly felt allowed to be rather than accepted. As a masculine presenting lesbian that at the age of 5 declared that I didn't want to wear dresses anymore yet was forced to until about the age of 9 to wear a dress during "special occasions" - my parents have accepted my sexuality and my partners over the years. As I transitioned my body even more masculine, they have not asked a single question about it. It's more of a don't ask, don't tell type of relationship.

Did you feel you can trust your parents with your problems and count for their help, both practically and emotionally?
Practical stuff most the time. Emotional stuff, no - I'm always left with commentary of how I should be, not what I'm going through.

Did you feel connected to them? Not at all. First they would have to see me for me and not me as some extension/reflection of themselves.

I answered those questions because it is through talking about these things, I have been able to see that some/many of the narratives I have lived with were not my story but theirs; I have been able to grieve for some of the things I didn't get; and I have started to learn more about what it is I need from myself. The biggest thing was to stop defending them and invalidating me. Every time you say they did the best they could, you are discounting what it is you needed at that time. Them doing the best they could and you needing something different or more are not mutually exclusive. Accepting that it was ok for me to need something more or different has been a slow process and is not linear for me; it has been one of the best gifts I could give myself.

Yes, my parents love me - yes, they failed at meeting some of my core needs as a young child. Was it their fault? Some yes and some no. Both my parents were raised in abusive households - some of that damage carried over in their lack of knowledge on how things could be different and in the lack of them pursuing their own work to have things be different for them and how they parented.

I guess, in trying to wrap this up the moral of what I've been trying to say is that when you explain or rationalize their behaviors and actions, you minimize, discount, and invalidate some part of yourself. Talking about this stuff, the little things that were moments of misattunement are ways to recognize and honor that part of yourself - finally allowing that part space to exist, live, be heard, and become part of you again.