Quote:
Originally Posted by Lrad123
I just don’t think most parents are perfect. I know that my parents wanted the best for me and that they tried. I had food and nice things and a great education. I also have a sibling who I think was easier to parent. I was probably not extremely connected but I wasn’t entirely unconnected if that makes any sense. I sort of understand what you’re getting at, but I’m just not sure that’s therapy-worthy. Is it?
I have 2 kids. My relationship with my daughter is wonderful and special and we are very connected. My son (a teenager) is pretty much angry at my husband and me all the time. This is a big source of hurt for me because I want very much to be there for him, but he won’t crack the the door open to let me in. I hoping it’s just a phase.
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It's not about parents been perfect or imperfect or comparing yourself with anyone else. It's about being totally honest with yourself and accepting that things affected you.
It seems that two things might be somewhat rigidly tied with each other for you: if you accept that how your parents were affected you deeply then you are sort of bashing and accusing them. You don't want to bash or accuse them, so the only option is to say that they wanted the best and thus it should be a no big deal for you.
There's not much room for movement when the logic is so rigid. You cannot explore your hurt and pain because that would mean that you are accusing your parents. If you cannot explore your hurt and pain, you cannot heal from that pain. So you remain stuck.
I have two boys as well, the older of them teenager now and we get along great. However, strangely he seems to be very sensitive to the processes that I go through, to the point where he is literally mirroring to me the same things that happen to me in therapy. It's truly weird, especially because he has no knowledge about it.
The good thing is also that as soon I seem to be able to crack something for myself in therapy, he seems to get over that too. Honestly, I don't know how it can work that way. Let's just say that because I want the best for him, I've understood that the best I can do is to work with myself and this will sort of carry over to him.