Apparently today is 'lesbian visibility day'.




Apologies to anyone if I cause offence with this post, is just my honest personal thoughts on my issues around sexuality.

As someone who finds women physically attractive, often more so than men, but feels sick at the thought of being with a women intimately, it's fair to say I am sexually confused. I don't know if this means I am not a lesbian, or that I am just not comfortable with the fact I am and am sick with the fear of coming out and truly accepting my true self.

What makes someone a lesbian? I don't particularly like the word, and it sticks out at me when I read it in a paragraph. This is probably related to my mh issues around it all, and the fact I have had two psychotic episodes where I have been convinced people have been saying I am a lesbian.

There are a lot of connotations around who people think lesbians are. I have been told I can't be a lesbian because I am not tough, and bolshie. I'm not masculine either, which is a stereotype. But the fact is I find women who are feminine more attractive than men a lot of the time, not 'masculine' looking women, and I like feeling feminine. At the same time I don't obsess over my looks to the point that I am a virtual make up artist, and have never been good at doing my hair, make up or nails, and I am not maternal, so that probably fits all the stereotypes.

Surely the main thing is how you feel inside, rather than how you behave in general and towards others?

I have no desire to be with a woman, or 'experiment', and I even(as I posted the other day) had a dream the other night where my male friend beating me in a quiz turned me on, literally. Could a lesbian be turned on by this?

If people haven't been too offended by what I have posted here, I would like to ask anyone who identifies as lesbian when and how they 'knew' they were gay, and what being a lesbian means to them. And do you think a lesbian could theoretically be turned on by male dominance, physical or intellectual? I don't experience any arousal from female dominance, although if a woman is muscular and masculine sometimes I can find it arousing to see her dominate another woman (this has happened only in the context of watching female tennis players).

Could I be bisexual? Or could it just be that I am too hung up on labels? Is it best to just love who you are attracted to and not worry too much about what their gender happens to be?

Once again apologies if any offence has been caused, and thank you for reading this far.