Since you know you shouldn't be drinking I won't say anything about that. What are you doing with your days? You really need a schedule of some kind while you look for help. Even if it seems silly go to bed at the same time daily. Maybe get a volunteer job one day a week...like at a shelter.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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