Quote:
Originally Posted by Sisabel
Here is the unwanted advice and criticism I’m getting: my H and I haven’t taken a vacation in several years... for various reasons... my H has some health issues that making traveling a little bit of a challenge... so we are trying to save money. We are concerned about financial stability. Hopefully he can retire early. We also have some aging pets we don’t want to leave with a pet sitter or at a boarding facility. So we have put vacations on hold for now. For these reasons.
Why do people keep asking me why we haven’t taken a vacation together in so long? Why do they persist to the point of giving me advice about boarding my pets? They ask me why over and over. It makes me mad. I shouldn’t have to explain myself. My H’s health issues are nobody’s business. Neither are our financial concerns or the concerns for our aging pets anybody’s business. It really annoys me to no end when people persist in convincing me we must take a vacation right away.
After thinking about what you all have said here... I think the trigger is largely because I am feeling sensitive. If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t take criticism well. I can take a lot of joking and teasing, but not direct criticism and unwarranted advice. BUT. Whether I take a vacation or however else I choose to live my life is nobody’s business...
My H tells me to just ignore those comments. Just don’t worry about it and let it go. He says we have to make the choices that are best for us and not be influenced or annoyed by what other people say.
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Thank you for elaborating Sisabel. I too would be irritated in your situation. I don't think you should just ignore the comments. It's clearly not working for you...you're feeling judged and your boundaries aren't being respected. That warrants a response. Your husband's approach is passive. Passive responses (though perhaps that works for him) often don't lead to the outcome we desire....they don't solve the recurring problem because the other party has no indication that they need to modify their behavior. The opposite of passive would be aggressive and obviously not helpful either. People often forget that there's a middle ground: respectfully assertive....
"I realize that you want to be helpful. It's just that I don't actually need info about boarding pets. We are happy as we are. I am getting a bit weary of people telling us that we should be going on vacation. It would be great to drop that topic and chat about other things. What's the latest with you? How's work? etc"
Maybe try that? See what happens? Someone who pushes for more info can receive a short response: "I have no need to discuss this topic further. Let's move on." Anyone who continues to push/bring the topic up again after you've drawn a line is a person who willfully disregards boundaries and I would take a long step back from them.
Just my thoughts. Peace to you! For what it's worth, it does not seem weird at all to me that you don't take vacations and I agree that you do not need to justify your choices. That is very personal and nobody else's business. I have had to be assertive about people continually asking when I'll get married or have a child (no desire to do either)....ignoring it previously caused me to be more and more frustrated or even to be very abrupt on one occasion. I used to inwardly think 'how on earth do they think it's appropriate to ask me things like this' but I've learned that people judge you by their standards....they can't imagine not wanting marriage or children so it doesn't occur to them that I don't want those things. And boundary issues are so common, right?
Looking at PC posts alone, boundary violation seems like a frequent cause of strife among humans. We are a mucky bunch, aren't we?
Respectfully assertive is best imo. And it also takes practice...in my experience.
