I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, Ptak! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! Perhaps you just need to take a little break away from him if this relationship is causing you so much stress! After all you're not in an "official" relationship so it shouldn't be too difficult, right? Please DO consider it as much as you can if you want to! There's NOTHING wrong with just taking some space and time for yourself! Just stay safe and take GREAT CARE of yourself, ok? You're a STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Sending many hugs to you, Ptak!