I’m honestly at my wits end and I don’t know what to do.
I have had social anxiety for around 10 years now. It’s not a nice thing to have but honestly it has been just about manageable although very hard.
At the start of the year I decided to do an online course of cbt for anxiety and although i did find some of it interesting it has not reduced my anxiety. In fact, since I started the course it has gotten notably worse to the point where I’m really struggling to cope.
Prior to starting the course I would feel anxious in the run up to social events and when speaking to people on the phone and in person. I normally take a beta blocker to help with the physical symptoms and that lets me just about manage in the social situations.
Now though what was working before isn’t helping at all. I feel like I’m constantly in fight or flight mode even when I’m at home on my own where I used to be fine and have little to no anxiety. Now it’s constantly there and I have waves of anxiety throughout the day, it has been relentless.
I think it’s linked to booking an appointment with a psychotherapist who I’m supposed to see face to face for the first time in two weeks (I’ve so far had a phone consultation).
Since I booked the appointment stuff from my past has been really intense and tonight as a memory came to mind I got upset then couldn’t control my breathing and I think had a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe properly, my heart was racing, I felt really hot, I was shaking and my lips were tingling. I managed to tell myself to try and calm down and then used a relaxation app on my watch to help calm my breathing but it was horrible and only the second panic attack (if it was that) that I’ve ever had, the last being probably over 10 years ago.
I really don’t know what to do. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with so much intense anxiety 24/7. I keep thinking about cancelling the therapy appt as this would perhaps reduce the anxiety but then I know I’m not dealing with it and it might just come back anyway. I’m really worried about not being able to cope with talking about past trauma and spiralling out of control like I did when it first happened. I’m also struggling with
and I really think it’s all the feelings being brought back up from the past.
I haven’t dealt with stuff from my past in around 10 years and I was diagnosed with ptsd back then so I’m not sure if that’s linked but I could really use any words of advice if anyone has struggled in a similar way in the run up to therapy etc.
Also for anyone in the UK. It seems like my appointments could be up to a month apart as it’s through my gp so I ring to book the next one after each appt and the second was 3 weeks away. I’m seriously worried about bringing stuff up then sitting on it on my own for up to a month (I’m really struggling with being okay right now). If you see someone through your gp have you been able to book regular weekly sessions or do you have to just take the next available appt?
Sorry this post is so long and thanks for reading if you got this far
