Thank you, yes I've been able to feel depressive states days in advance. Lately not so much. But I'm clearly in the throes of a major downturn. I have limited money and have never felt so purely lost and alone however my psychotic actions lead to this. I've always been able to manage but now, well I just got done pleading to Jesus. This is the worst of so many episodes in the past. I'm not going to commit suicide but I so overwhelmingly wish I could talk myself into it. I'm in a new stage of scared. I just want it to stop.