Quote:
Originally Posted by myers
I'm only 18 and my life is already complete ****. There are a ton of things which just really suck, it would take way too much time to write all of my personal problems down. But I think you can imagine what a life with a bad ADHD, depression and social anxiety without any real friends would be. Right, pretty ******. I feel totally numb every day, I don't care about anything anymore, my grades in school are getting worse and worse and on top of that I'm in an unhealthy relationship (another big issue in my life) that I don't want to be in anymore. But I'm even too stupid for breaking up.
Day after day I just go to school (sometimes just skip class even) meet my "friends" there, be totally hyperactive with them for some reason, don't pay attention to class most of the time and then go home completely depressed and exhausted and play videogames/watch YouTube until I go to sleep at like 1 am. My "friends" either only hit me up when they need something from me or when they send me a meme or some **** like that. We don't share the same interests to be fair, all they do is smoking weed etc.. but it causes panic attacks for me so I don't do it. I don't drink and never go to partys too. Pretty lame for a 18 years old boy right?
Dreaming about my (non-existent) future is the only thing that keeps me alive tbh. I look forward to travel the world by myself, despite my fear of being just much more lonely then. Luckily, my grandfather left me some heritage so even if I decide to kill myself one day, I will still be able to travel the world before. But if I keep on spending the money on useless things and fast food, I'll most likely be broke before I can travel.
I just hate being myself. I feel like I have every possible mental illness. And I can't do anything about it.
Is it going to be better some day?  |
Honestly - I will be truthful with you. I can't guarantee you it will be better someday. Neither can I guarantee you it won't. Nobody can. I can guarantee you if YOU don't TRY to make it better, it won't get any better. You can go to all the counselors n psychiatrists in the world. The will pump you full of happy fix-it pills n tell you how to fix-it and listen to your problems, but no pill (or pills) will ever cure all your problems by itself nor will all the counseling in the world - unless you are willing to actively work on bettering yourself too.
I'm not saying that to be harsh, but bc you are asking .. and I am of the opinion truth is better than what "feels good to hear".
I am very sorry for everything you are going through. Do you have any type of healthy support system (your friends don't sound like a healthy support system)? Do you know any relaxation techniques or coping skills? Do you have a counselor or can you go to your guidance counselor?