I am grateful for

- Video games. If I opt to get a job after finishing my bachelor's, I'd spend most of my free time on the gaming consoles (PS4 pro, or whatever that comes after it from Sony) Really, nothing is fun as enjoying the little pleasures. And I've been always the fantasizing type, so +1 point.

- My books. I am so excited to read the first volume of Feynman's lectures, that I haven't read it yet and I am going back through older texts, like my 11th standard physics textbook. There are remaining two parts of Feynman's lectures, but I am not going to order the second before I completely devour the first and the third before I completely devour the second.

- YouTube. It reminds me of a time when I used to watch videos of surgeries and observe the surgery, just to make sure I won't be unprepared for med school. I never made it to med school. However, even as I regret not studying and instead doing the typical teenage stuff, my experience taught me one good lesson - To always be persistent. Or it will all go in vain.

-Positive thinking. I could do the lab work most of the times for my lab exams. Just as my psychiatrist always told me, I can do whatever i want if I think positively and give the effort. I just need the confidence.

- Cosmology. It was through Stephen Hawking I was introduced to cosmology. I really think if I had formally opted for physics I would have specialized in cosmology in the near future, but well that's not possible anymore. HOWEVER, I can always appreciate cosmology as I appreciate music. I may not be able to play the piano, but I can appreciate it. Similar to cosmology, I may never get to do a thesis on cosmology but I can appreciate it and if I work hard enough give a theory of everything eventually.

- And finally, the ability to do research on a theory of everything or quantum gravity. There is already a thing called 'string theory', but no respectable physicist seems to appreciate it. And, although I haven't reached the level of mathematical proficency yet just to understand string theory, I do not either. See, there are no miracle people. I honestly think, if I work with enough hard work and dedication, I will able to "do" quantum mechanics before I go to the institute of my dreams for my MSc/PhD. I already own a copy of Introduction to Quantum Mechanics by David J. Griffiths. I am not a miracle person, since I did not opt for mathematics I am struggling to get past the first chapter's second section, which is about statistical interpretation of the wave function.

I am having a hard time understanding the very first few pages of the book, because I have barely any knowledge of integral calculus. Integral calculus is just the reversal of differential calculus but I am having a hard time getting it around my head. The internet is a very good tool but my source just keeps referring to trigonometric functions, which I fail to memorize. Whatever, I gotta stop being lazy and work hard enough.

Back to the main point, WHY I appreciate the theory of everything - If I manage to give a widely accepted theory on quantum gravity, I will accomplish a sense of self-fulfillment, that I have done something in my life, if anything. I did not opt for physics unfortunately but that should not stop me. I want to be known as the scientist who overcame the odds. I am already informally learning physics, keeping up with my competitors in the US, UK or elsewhere in the world where the student is taught the very basics in the right way. Which means, statistically and logically, I am behind my peers by a light year. There's so much stuff going in the scientific community already about quantum gravity. If I don't hurry the hell up, I'd have a hard time.

Thank you for reading. Today's post is a bit verbal, but I really need to write things down to get them out of my head. It's my own little CBT.