today, I was watching some video gameplay of "Pheonix Wright: Ace Attorney" with some commentator who was making sexual jokes about the female depictions of women in that video game. I agree that the depictions were quite unreal.

But I got excited and decided to watch some youtube videos of women nursing. I came across some beautiful lady and I wanted to comment on her video.

but then I remembered being on Instagram and being blocked by multiple women for commenting on their photos. So I refrained. being blocked by multiple women is a bad social experience and adversely affects my mental and social health, especially because I don't have much positive social experiences to counter those bad ones.

It's quite upsetting to be blocked by women after publicly commenting on their photos. It's very near discriminant and could be of prejudice. But I'm not any better for targeting women. then again, I feel my society supports the idea of romantic communication, even through the government's identification of married couples and domestic partners. I think the government even provides marriage and domestic partner benefits. But society's support of that discrimination doesn't allow mine. I should know better.

Regardless, publicly communicating with women on Instagram is not a healthy way for me to express myself, since they keep blocking me for no reason. Instead, maybe I can learn some Italian and recite Italian poetry in public. Learning Italian is going to cost though, at least with time.

And why should I waste resources with these endeavors? Shouldn't I focus more on securing work? Maybe I should secure some work first, and then focus on these other trivial matters.

But I write, and I always have feelings to express myself to women when I write. That feeling probably won't go away. My writing might have an effect on my sexuality. So maybe this entire sexual struggle is my own doing, and can be resolved if I stop writing.

But even when I wasn't writing for an entire month, I still had a feeling to express myself to women. I was still targeting women with my communication. I feel society has an influence on my sexual feelings with common sexual jokes, loud romantic radio songs, couples having loud sex upstairs, and etc. I can't control or police society, but then society has an influence on me. That's not fair.

And I can not avoid society either. So if society can force its influence onto me, then it's only fair that I counter that influence. Since society forcefully influences me, I should have the right to influence society. And poetic endeavors allow me to do this.