Do you ever feel like you are not doing enough to help yourself?

For the past year or so, I've become very antisocial. I know that anxiety and depression can make one retreat into their shell, which is what I am doing, but I've now fallen into the trap of feeling that compared to all of my friends, I am a massive loser.

I'm in my mid-twenties and I feel OLD. I go to work (where I enjoy myself because my team is like a family) and then I come home without any energy to do anything. I relish in canceled plans and I've started to bail out of things last minute. I worry that I'm going to lose all my friends and that I won't ever have a romantic relationship again because I won't meet anyone and if I do, they'll realize how messed up I am and will run away.

I find it impossible to motivate myself to do anything and then I end up feeling anxious and upset that I'm wasting time. Most of the time I feel like everything is pointless. And then I panic that I feel this way. I feel like I'm letting myself down, like I don't know how to pick myself up. I don't want to get to middle age and feel like i've done nothing with my life because i didn't have the energy or the resolve to pick myself up.

I love my T and at the moment, therapy is my lifeline. When I'm more optimistic, it makes me question things and push things and change the way I think. When I'm having a bad day, I wonder if it's enough, if things will ever change. Sometimes I self-sabotage myself because for all the talking I do, i never actually muster up the energy to implement any changes. And then the following week i go back to him and I moan about the same things without having changed anything. He probably thinks that I'm whiny and stupid and annoying. I feel like i am every single one of these things and i hate the idea that he might think of me in this way.

I'm sorry for ranting so much. I'm just so tired of all the things this ****ing depression has taken away...my motivation, my hope for the future...I'm just tired of everything.

How can it get better if i'm not doing enough to help myself?