Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie
I am actually the type to give people the maximum benefit of doubt. Even in the face of lies, I used to be in denial, making excuses for her, trying to talk myself out of distrust because I want to believe that people are good.
But such wishful thinking does not always work.
My point is, I am not the type to jump into negative conclusions about people. I only conclude that someone is lying when I cannot deny it any longer.
I have actually posted about this (probably before you came to PC), but she acted desperately saying she is financially struggling. Then I later found out that she is going on vacations. I also later found out she was omitting information about her other incomes.
This is why I am taking it slow with my new friend even though I believe her. And honestly, I feel guilty for taking it so slow because I see that she wants a close friendship sooner than I am ready. I feel like I'm letting her down, but I need to protect myself too.
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Ah, I see. I'm the opposite of you. I don't trust people until they give me a reason to (with their actions, and the patterns of the way they communicate with me and treat me). So, maybe I can't help you in the way that you need.
I was in your cousin's situation -- well, I still am. I omitted a lot of information from my relatives about it, b/c it's none of their business. That doesn't make me a liar, though. It just means, I have boundaries with them.
I borrowed money from a cousin and a friend, then later went on a vacation after I moved in with my mother. I don't know if they resent me for doing that, or what, but it's my business, not theirs.
Why does your cousin's life choices bother you so much? Did you lend her money and she didn't repay you? Did you ask her to repay you? Maybe she was/is financially struggling. If she is, why is that a strike against her, if she somehow finds a way to go on vacation? Unless you expected her to repay you the money you lent her and communicated that to her, and then she went on vacation without repaying you -- I could see your anger at her as justified. Otherwise, it comes across as you being very judgmental of your cousin. You know I respect you here, even if we disagree. I hope.
Does that help at all?
If your new friend is already disclosing personal information this quickly with you, take that as a "yellow" warning flag. If this friendship with your new friends is built on the need to feel needed, I'd back off from it, if I were you. Otherwise, I think she's setting you up to be her emotional go-to source of support.
There's no room for growth with these types of one-sided friendships either, b/c the person who is the emotional vampire, has nothing to give their source of emotional support when that person asks for reciprocation of emotional support.
The emotional vampire won't supply emotional support to others, b/c they view themselves as the constant victim. Now, I don't know the dynamic of your new friendship, so I'm just guessing here.