If you cant get the info you need, get an attorney to help you before bad consequences result. Your wife should at least do something to help pay for the attorney and the loan, even babysitting. If you dont set boundaries for her taking some responsibility you will resent this more and more and the costs will rise as you said. How frustrating! However, if you dont set some boundaries, how will you feel if she continues to be irresponsible in the future? As a mother,for example, being irresponsible just doesn’t work.