It's been a long time since I've been on here. I had a baby a few years ago and since then I've worked really hard to do better and just focus on him. And I've done really well. But I'm going through some stuff now and I've cut myself a few times in the last several months.

I don't want to share with anyone in my life, because everyone thinks that's all behind me and I don't want them to worry about me. And I especially don't want anyone to think that I'm not a good mother.

I've just been feeling so overwhelmed and anxious lately and I don't know who to talk to. I had one very close friend, but his girlfriend told him not to speak to me anymore and after years of friendship, he just cut me off on the word of a girl he's known a few months. It just makes me feel very disposable. I don't want to drive anyone else away by being depressed around them, but I'm struggling. I want to cut myself. I know that won't help for long. and I'm still constantly reminded that I lost all the progress I had made because I have bright pink scars on my arms again. I hate feeling like I have to hide. I constantly worry someone will see. But part of me finds it so much harder not to cut because I already did it. It's not really anything extra to hide since I'm already hiding fresh scars.
It's been so long since I've been in this position and it's bringing back all the memories of how I used to be and I feel so much more overwhelmed because now I have something to lose. I never cared about anything when I was cutting before.
Anyways sorry this is so long and all over the place, I just really needed to tell someone.