I get it. I still pray every day that I'll die somehow. The battle I'm trying to fight is insurmountable, so I just have to take the pain every day.

At least you do have a partner though. Not something I think I ever will.

Also, I don't think it makes you a liar at all. I don't know if this is what you meant but if you don't show that to people I think it's probably a good thing. I try to fake it as much as I can but it's getting harder and harder. One day when I'm 40 and alone in some 1 bedroom apartment, people will start to figure it out.