Sorry to hear that, Hallie. But don't beat yourself up. You were unstable and in a bad place, and we often have skewed thought processes when we're like that.

What's most important is that you feel better, are getting the right treatment, and doing your best to stay healthy and happy.

I recommend developing a couple of healthy courses of action you could take if you ever feel yourself heading toward a situation like that again. You can work something out with your therapist to make sure he can help you stay safe when you need that safety. Your psychiatrist can help, too. Then you'll have the proper "tools" to help you stay safe, even in a hospital/IP situation. Good luck