Hi Angie . I can see your ambivalence and understand it. Is there a way to get Vicktor to be more of a protector than a punisher? He sounds very strong and if he was willing, could be a huge help to you rather than a threat. Are there any inside with whom Vicktor communicates with?
I totally get the way you're feeling...wanting to die,.....not wanting to die....questioning living and the effect Vicktor has on all of that. Please let us know how you're doing. Sometimes someone showing they care is enough to stall the suicidal actions. I wish you had experienced that compassion at the hospital.