Thanks everyone for your replies! I am very grateful for everyone's opinions and I respect them all.

To clarify, the first time I was in dire financial straits was four years ago when it was spring and I hadn't landed a temp or retail job to cover the summer months for rent. I had applied for emergency assistance within my city's county social services (which allots only 1 months' of rent). So, while I was able to secure June's rent, I still had to worry about July and August and September's rent since I hadn't found a 3-6 month temp job, which I had successfully been doing for the three previous years. So, I reached out to friends and family four years ago with my dilemma and asked for just help with July, hoping that bought me time, which it did. I was still 'in the black' financially, as my job in education as a sub was going until the end of May. But I lived paycheck to paycheck (which everyone already knew).

When you live paycheck to paycheck, it's hard to plan ahead financially, especially saving even $50 a week when you need that to either pay for your gas or food or bills.

The second time (hopefully last time) was last summer. I had been fired from my education sub company (student assaulted me at the school, so the principal fired me and my placement company fired me -- this company has been sued by several other licensed education professionals for being fired after student has assaulted them, and made news headlines for it) in April, and had no money saved. I applied for county emergency assistance but was rejected since I was fired.

You can't receive county emergency rental assistance for a single adult, if you have no income or no employment. I don't make these ridiculous rules either. But they are what they are. So, I sat down with my landlord and explained my situation to him. I could break my lease and pay $1600 (which I clearly didn't have at that time). Or, I could wait 2 months until my lease was up, use $800 from my security deposit to cover half of the $1600 and come up with the other $800 I would owe, somehow.

So, I reached out to family and friends again, explained that I tried to get county assistance but didn't qualify since i was fired, was going to move in with my elderly mother while I look for a full time job, but that I needed help with the $800 I would owe, or my landlord would take me to small claims court and would legally 'evict' me, which would really make it difficult for me to rent an apartment again in the future, since i have a clean rental record (late payments, but no evictions). So, family and friends helped me come up with the $800. I asked them if they wanted me to repay them and they all said no.

Then, I was accepted into a second graduate program (student loans, who cares) and received my first financial aid refund check. I asked people if they wanted me to repay them since i got that financial aid refund money and they all said no. So, I took a vacation to visit friends out of state for two weeks. And no one accused me of being a liar, but I worried that they would roll their eyes and secretly think I was a liar who cried 'wolf' because this happened once already when I reached out for financial help. Clearly, being an education sub is not a source of stable income and I rolled the dice for 5 years doing it, with summer temp work not always coming through to help cover my rent and bills and gas and food expenses.

So, i'm in grad school again now, living with my elderly mother and while my temp work is spotty at best, at least I don't have to worry about paying rent (just car/car insurance, cell, food, gas, etc.) until I get back on my feet.

I would never be in this situation, had I found a full-time, stable job more than five years ago. I envy people who have stable jobs b/c their income is stable. Finding a full time job is not easy, and I don't like living with my elderly mother b/c she is mentally ill on top of having dementia, etc., but it is the price I have to pay, for not having a full time job. It's awful but I'm grateful that I'm not going from shelter to shelter or living in my car, b/c I very well could be. Again, I appreciate everyone's opinions in my thread.

I do agree that if you borrow money from someone, they do expect to be informed of how you spend their money. And since these two incidents happened in my 40s, well, I was mortified that I was in this situation to begin with. I can understand if I did this in my 20s, it wouldn't be judged as so irresponsible as I feel judged that way now, by my friends and family who all have stable incomes from their stable jobs. I have one friend who makes $75K a year so it's really mortifying to expose my vulnerability financially in front of people b/c they view you as being a 'loser' when I don't think I'm a loser. I think I just made some bad choices employment-wise and can't seem to turn it around to find a full time stable 12-month year job.