It seems that people always quick to give to share it with your T if you have fallen in love with them. It also seems that both the client and therapist sides of the issue are so quick to label any feelings of this sort as transference, and that it must be "dealt with" (i.e. stopped) in order for the therapeutic environment to remain in some sort of safe ethical zone.
My view this that Ts are human beings we develop a very intimate connection with if the therapy is working. I disagree with those who believe that it's just transference or a sign that a client falls in love with people who are unavailable.
In my personal experience, I've seen 8 different Ts (14 if I count prior marriage therapy and and psychologist associated with my work environment). I have never developed feelings of being "in love" for any of them until the one I have now. I never really even thought much one way or another about a T outside sessions before beyond just general feelings of warm regard at times.
Now do not get it confused. There are very real aspects of transference with T in our therapeutic relationship. At times, she seems to take on other roles in my mind... Like a sister, or even a parent, or even my soon to be ex-wife. When I look back on my marriage of 18 years, my relationship with my wife was similar in that way. We took on roles with each other that weren't those of a spouse or lover often in response to various situations. It also seems to me that my relationships with many people feel like that at times. With that being said, I conclude that transference is an attribute present in human relationships, whatever the label or definition.
I have truly pondered over various aspects of my feelings of being in love with my T, and even made efforts to fit it into sterotypes to make me feel better. I've realized that just makes it worse and that I'm actually trying to convince myself of something that's just not real. I even googled "how not to love someone", because I've battled with feeling immoral for feeling this way about her. None of this works.
I decided recently to stop bashing myself and to stop trying to force myself to feel something else, and just accept it for what it is.
There is a part of me that wants to tell her, but I have what I believe are good reasons for not doing it.
1. She is an amazing therapist, and the work we are doing together is more important to me than anything else.
2. She is married. This is where the immoral side of my beliefs come into play. I feel it would be disrespectful of her and her marriage to be open about my feelings for her, no matter how she felt.
3. We share a very honest, open and intimate connection. I do not wish for that to change. It is the center of the healing I'm in the process of. I feel very protective of that space, and can't take the change of ruining it.
So I conclude it is better for me to keep my feelings to myself. Focus on the healing and the work.
Sometimes I feel dishonest for not being up front about it, and know that she senses I feel something for her, but am not saying it.
If anyone has fallen in love with T, and decided never to reveal it, what is your experience? Did it create a negative outcome or hurt an otherwise amazing therapy relationship in any way?