Very hard - n my husband is suspicious of why I stay up so late I think bc when he used to be abusive of me (hasnt been in over 3yrs) I had online affairs as an escape (bc being alone is a terrifying thing for me - I get suicidal even - due to my BPD), but I have not even had an urge to do that since he stopped mistreating me.

So .. that makes it even worse bc I don't know how to make it better for either of us.