I think I may know why it could have happened but I just didn't think it was horrible enough to cause so many long term issues with dissociation and having a male protector and a scared kid etc.
I'm afraid to say too much because I don't want to trigger anyone, so I'll just say it has to do with being in a hospital when I had double eye surgery as a toddler. My mom told me the doctor was so worried I would be emotionally damaged that they told my parents to take me home after the first night. I don't remember any of it, but maybe...? I don't know why I keep asking why. I guess it's so much easier when you can say "Aha, that's why I am the way I am. I'm not crazy"