I am thinking that because of your past infidelity, you feel like you do not have the right to put your foot down? If it was my husband, he would forbid be from ever playing tennis with, texting, or talking to that guy again. She is your wife--you have a right to protect your marriage. That you are giving her so much space doesn't seem quite right to me either. Years and years ago when a threesome (perhaps my husband was just joking) with a beautiful friend of mine was brought up--it was out of the question for me. I don't ever want my husband to fall in love with someone else and when you spend to much intense time with someone else--it can happen! You are not respecting yourself and perhaps she lost faith in you a long time ago because of the affair. You need to push this issue and let the chips fall where they may. You don't want a marriage where you are not number one and there is not passion. Marriage counseling again? And no seeing or texting that guy on her part. That is not right!!!