I bought another pack of cigarettes. I’m all fired up to quit at night but in the morning the craving hits and I’m like **** I’ll just buy some. But I’m hoping if I leave two for tomorrow morning I’ll get that last hit of nicotine and then be able to quit. We shall see. It doesn’t help that RS is going away and I won’t have to worry about him smelling it on me. Although I don’t know how he hasn’t at this point. Maybe he has and just doesn’t want to start an argument. I don’t know.

I’m down again today. Not sure why. I just had a week long depression two weeks ago. I would have hoped it would have held off.

I have a phone interview for one of the day camps I applied to at eleven. The other camp called me and he said he would reach out via email to schedule an interview. The one camp that I have the interview for today sounds really fun but it might be too much physical activity for me. I’m not sure I could get in shape in time. My back hurt a lot yesterday after walking around the flower show. I don’t want to **** up my back any more. I’m already worried about lifting my student at work and ****ing things up.

I start work on Wednesday. I’m very anxious. I’m anxious that my judgy coworker will continue to judge me. I’m anxious that they won’t want me back. And I’m anxious that they will fire me at the end of the year for going out on disability. I know they shouldn’t but I didn’t have fmla protection so they could if they wanted to. They did last year, although they also fired me for being a ****** teacher. I think that’s actually more on point.

RS and I might be looking at a house on 5/12. Depends on when he comes back from his trip. I hope we can make it work, I really want to get moving on moving out. I haven’t heard back from the property manager for the other house and I have no way to contact them except through trulia and Zillow so I’m just going to have to wait.

Sigh. Today will be long and boring. I have PT at 2:30 so I can’t even take a nap.