Thank you all so much, it helps just knowing that i'm not alone i guess, but i do feel sorry for all of you, i don't wish anyone to have to go through this ever at all

i wish to be able to make new friends, but it's so difficult for me. i've been going to meet up groups and tyring to get myself out there, but i never really find a connection with anyone. i already had to cut off one friendship in particular, and dealing with my family is something i can't handle right now, but i still feel so guilty and start doubting myself if im making the right choice etc etc etc. since i m really only feeling worse and still haven't made any new friends.

thank you crypts of the mind, i think i will be looking into moving out and finding a place for just me, if i can afford it, so that i can hold myself fully accountable for how i feel and what i do, and don't have to be scared to go the kitchen in order to avoid ppl lol.

i hope i will be able to start seeing the light or to just keep hope that things can get better than this. thank you all for your support and kind words and truly helfpul tips. i really hope everyone in here will be able to pull themselves out of it.