Hello, I am a malignant Narcissist myself (also the more rarely seen female Narcissist) and quite self-aware. Perhaps I can assist you as far as how narcissists "operate". Your ex certainly does sound like a Narcissist, him pulling all of this low quality gaslighting and middle school logic right before you're getting married to someone who is obviously far better for you and actually loves you does sound like typical narcissistic behavior.

What makes you say he's a malignant Narcissist? (You don’t have to answer that, I’m simply curious.)


What a piece of ****, honestly. I'm glad your fiance is so open with you and just told you the truth. It's clear to me that you've been lied to more than enough.


I'm laughing, not at you, but at your ex and his ridiculous antics. This is just so absurd to me. "A spiritual medium", yeah, don't fall for that one. Just, lol... He's trying way too hard and failing miserably. This is his last (desperate) attempt to "win you back" so to speak.

He wants to exploit you yet again, I'm sure you know about the term "Narcissistic supply"? That's what this is about on a basic fundamental level.



Your friend is factually correct.

His "confession" is a (pathetic) ploy to gaslight you into convincing you that he's "changed" for the better somehow. I promise you that he most certainly has not. As your friend astutely pointed out, he is making it all about him as per usual. It is not about you because of the obvious as you and I both know: he is a Narcissist! Of course it's inevitably always going to be about him. You're his target for Narcissistic supply. Screw that.



I know it must be difficult when he's in the same social circles as you are. That’s always rough. Being wary is a good thing. He obviously treated you terribly. It’s always difficult to get a Narcissist out of your life completely, they really have a way of manipulating, lying, and gaslighting their way back into your life in some way or another. It’s hard to make a clean break from them.



This makes me think of the song called Poison by Alice Cooper (though a lady named Tarja did a fascinating cover of the song, which I liked because well a female vocalist is more suitable if you’ve been victimized by a man now isn’t it?)

It sounds like he’s trying to rain on your parade so to speak, plain and simple. As a malignant Narcissist myself? Narcissists, *especially* malignant Narcissists, feed off of their victims’ torment.

However, having said all of this? It’s okay to give yourself some time to just feel icky about the whole thing. It’s obvious he caused you a lot of pain. Just don’t let him see you suffer, because that’s what he wants, malignant Narcissists feed off of fear as well as admiration as a means of gaining narcissistic supply.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. It takes time to heal.

I know, why would I bother trying to be helpful? Well, why not? I have nothing to gain by screwing someone over on the internet, and I also have zero need to destroy everyone I encounter. I have enough self-awareness to understand that it’s simply not very smart to destroy everyone I meet. Self-awareness is my curse that I have to live with so I may as well use it to be of some benefit to others, and I’ve accepted that that’s likely the only “good” I’m capable of doing.