I'm going to go ahead and start cataloging my thoughts like I've seen another user do on here. So I've figured out what I think is my trigger maybe it's not addiction I dont know but I do know I need a healthy way to deal with what's going on inside me. Me and my girlfriend have been having a rough time moving from friendship to relationship and I've been feeling down. There is an awkwardness between us and the kids dont help with it any. I'm in a better place now but I can feel the draw from another attack coming on and I often find myself thinking about a girl I know on social media. I think about it alot how to contact her what to do and how not to get caught. I'm really not into her not intellectually or romantically atleast and she's not super attractive but she's got a nice body and is upset over some guy. We've talked about hanging out a few times but never quite gotten there. I feel like an animal on the hunt sometimes. I feel invincible, my skin tingles, my eyes feel sharp and I grind my teeth. I want to do it I really do I feel so free and powerful when I let it loose. I validate my bad behavior with my paranoia and so I listen to music it calms me down and helps my anxiety but it only works for so long. I can feel it knocking now I'm figity and my jaws clenched and I have a few on the line already and ones waiting for me to slip again so it wouldn't be hard to find a release. I've been watching alot of videos to deal with not getting the affection I need from my girlfriend like way more then I'm comfortable with and I can feel the low feelings coming on that's how it all starts for me then it grows, the itch comes and I get twitchy and restless and then I lose all control. My girl says she's at a friends house now but I feel like she's been hiding something from me and I really want to message someone.