Life is not fair but if you hang on for dear life, perhaps you will find purpose some way. Maybe you need to have a good cry? Sometimes we don't let our selves fully feel sadness for really tough stuff and it leaves us wanting to die. Sometimes the right drugs can get us through the worst so we can get to work figuring out what life is about? Try to drug yourself happy (things that safely bring you up) but not so much that you feel so numb that you can't figure it out and get/stay dumb and under people's thumbs?