Quote:
Originally Posted by Nowinners
Crypts, I am sorry you are in so much pain today.  I care about you.
You are confused and perhaps feeling something I call cognitive disonnance (I probably spelled wrong). I think we get this when people we love disapprove of our take on things of get upset at us for being just us, if that makes sense. For me, when I used to want to die--I think it was a distraction from the cognitive disonnance and I also felt that way because some things in life just don't turn out as we had hoped or expected and there is no way out. Also people in our life are telling us things that our gut says it is not true yet we love them and want to be what they want us to be but we can't please or be love by all the people all the time. We are lucky if anyone love us.  But I do find you loveable.  
I know your life has been tough in many ways for a while (perhaps always? you never talk about you childhood or I have just not read those posts.) I wish I could make it better for you. Do you have a T you could make an appointment with or are you unable to access that kind of help?
I would glad to listen a bit tonight as I am going to bed a bit later than usual. Hang in there. You are a dear, sweet person.  And I bet if you were hanging out with me--we would get along. It is my guess that you are hanging out with a cranky husband and there is only so much we can do when they get this way! It is not your fault. The cranky one is the one with the problem. Am I guessing part of what is eating at you? |
Hello,
Thank you for the kind words. ❤
9 times out of 10, what you say would be correct. My husband tends to be irritable, though not near like he was in past - n controls it now .. but it still spills over onto me when he snaps at me and etc sometimes (like other people) n yes that can get me in a cranky mood .. even depressed. My main reason for being here this time (when I came here originally my circumstances were much different) is bc everyone in my social circle is treating me differently even tho i have continued to treat them the same n it is confusing to me. But - even that was not what caused this particular post .. though it did have some backing for it. There was a particular discussion that occurred in which I felt the need to protect someone who was being given information that could have harmed the person. While I was doing so - I was effectively silenced from speaking what I know to be truth as it occurred in my life. It caused all sorts of feelings - ths original being massive anger, the next being reliefthe anger was gone, the next being depression, the next self loathing .. and finally suicidality. I am told anger and depression are not connected so I don't understand it but that how it went.
I do know what cognitive dissonance is and I know that bc I cannot get into details this sounds similar - but trust me when I say it is in no way similar. It has nothing at all to do with beliefs.
As far as my childhood - hmm .. lemme see if I can find an old post - not sure if they still keep them on file or not ..
I thought there was a post that outlined it better and was an actual post, not response .. but maybe they deleted it, i don't know ...
Anyway this is the best I can do ya as a basic outline .. still leaves some out n has no fillers in it - but its a response to the post so you have to scroll down to a response where you see me discussing my age ranges. Anyway, here's the post:
Craving Death
And yes, we can talk about whatever anytime you like ❤
Thanks for caring enough to respond. ❤❤