Again, I agree completely with your T here and I see it as caring about you, wanting you to heal and not be stuck in the pain, caring that he wants to help you move forward. I don't see any negative reflection on you.

As for parenting, no parent is perfect, not you, not him, no one. Every parent makes mistakes and does things differently. There's no use in trying to be a perfect parent. It isn't possible.

I imagine as someone with anxiety and a special needs child, you might say she's is a difficult child to raise at times, it's not a reflection on either of you but rather that those circumstances present extra challenges, that's exactly what your T was saying

the only thing I have to say I disagree with you on, is saying every parent experiences the same, such as newborn phase. That's not true of adoptive parents. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I get what you were saying but just again, pointing out, every parenting journey is different. Try not to get so lost in this world of perfect parenting that you lose sight of the progress you were making in your life in therapy.

Your T is who he is, you know this, you've clashed often, he isn't going to change to be the person you wish he was. That being said, if you need a break or a new T, that's fine. This is about you and what is best for you going forward, I hope you are able to reflect on this and make that choice for yourself. Good luck