I was sitting and thinking about something I just experienced that triggered me badly. What I noticed about it was that I was put in a position where two individuals that have been toxic with me had me trapped in a triangle and I have definitely experienced many situations that were toxic triangles that traumatized me.

One of these toxic triangles is when two people are interacting dysfunctionally and are arguing with each other and I am stuck in the small end of the triangle having that somehow taken out on me. I think one of the triggers you experienced yesterday was how your husband was experiencing a conversation with his brother where his brother was invading his boundaries, getting him upset and your fiance ended up venting that at you. Toxic people isolate and triangulate and if you are in a relationship it's important to take steps to see these red flags and work together towards not letting them disrupt your relationship.

You do have a challenge in that your fiance tends to shut down and disengage instead of being able to actually talk things out. This is most likely due to his history where he never got to see an example of a relationship where individuals engaged in communicating in healthy ways with each other. Your fiance doesn't really understand how to defend his boundaries and the only thing he did see happen is aggressive behaviors instead of assertiveness and actual healthy communication. From what you have shared of him, he tends to only understand passive aggressive behavior patterns.