My husband and I have been married for almost 17 years. About 14 years ago, he started having mood swings’s where he would get very angry and irrational, but it only happened five times a year approximately. The anger usually lasts an hour or less, but it takes him two days usually to recover and be back to his normal self. It wasn’t pleasant, but I could live with it, because the rest of the time, he was my best friend, a loving father, and an all-around good person. Problem is, since last summer, he’s had so many of these episodes, I’ve lost count, and he never seems to go back to “normal” completely. When his mood takes a sudden downward turn, it’s like he is a different person. He gets a wild look in his eyes and explodes with anger. He becomes very selfish and arrogant. These mood swings have obvious triggers: usually too much alcohol or sickness in the family or a crisis situation or a time of great stress. In this mode, he is not his rational self and there is no hope of making him see reason. My best bet is to avoid him completely or at least avoid arguing with him. His anger is over-the-top and unwarranted for the given situation. He seems out of control, but he is never violent. This mode can last for several minutes or even a full day, but usually a couple hours.

This is the pattern that I have observed, which usually takes place over a two- to three-day period: He is angry, explosive, irrational. ➡️ He either sleeps or removes himself from the house. ➡️ He offers a false apology. ➡️ He continues to act angry with me and in a bad mood. ➡️ He transitions from angry to depressed (usually accompanied by joking comments to me even though we aren’t on good terms at this point). ➡️ He becomes depressed and moody. ➡️ When I confront him, he tries to rationalize his behavior to me. ➡️ Finally, he offers a genuine, heartfelt apology. ➡️ He is usually still a little prickly for a few days after this apology. ➡️ We get back to our normal. (But as I said, it seems much harder for us to return to normal.)

In between these angry outbursts, he seems pretty depressed over all. When he does not seem depressed, it’s usually because he is very busy or he is focused on a project. I’ve also noticed he has periods of poor sleep in which he tends to get a lot done. Other times, he sleeps too much, going to bed early and waking up late.

I gave him an ultimatum to see a psychiatrist, as I was concerned that the Wellbutrin and Lexapro he was on, in addition to Adderall, could be part of the problem. On first meeting with the psychiatrist, the psychiatrist said he did not think my husband was bipolar because he does not experience the kinds of highs associated with mania. I’m really not sure he’s right. I guess I’ve been banking on bipolar as the diagnosis he would get. His brother is bipolar, and his dad is bipolar. My brother is also bipolar, so I’m familiar with the symptoms, and while my husband‘s are not the same, they are very similar. I just want to make sure he gets the right diagnosis and treatment. I can’t live with him like this forever. He’s so irritable and his mood changes so quickly, it truly is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I never know which one I’m going to get, and it’s just not sustainable to keep living with him like this. I love him and I want to help him, but I’m at a loss. Thank you for reading.